(Source: designcreatesculture)
So, I told you that my parents got me a swift for Christmas rather than a ball winder, thinking they were the same thing. I felt bad, actually, because I informed them that they were not the same. I didn’t say “eew I don’t want this.” They just asked if it was the right thing, and I politely informed them that while it was not the right thing, I could still use it!
A swift is a medieval torture device for stretching your ass. It is called a “swift” because that is the speed with which it will fucking ream your asshole.
Is your rectum prepared?
…
Ok no I’m actually kidding. It’s actually a weapon used in combat training at the dojo. Think the elegant wooden sword.
You lookin at me punk?
Wanna fight about it?
I’LL FUCK YOU UP!
…
…
Ok so a swift. You know when I ball up yarn and it’s not Red Heart, but it’s good yarn that comes in that kinda twisty figure eight style hank? Before I ball it up, I say “hands up, hon,” and you outstretch your arms, I undo the hank into a circle, wrap the circle around your outstretched arms, then ball it up?
A swift holds the yarn in that circle. It is a replacement for your outstretched arms.
I don’t have any yarn in hanks to show you right now though.
But yeah.
It’s basically just a magic spinning yarn umbrella.
(Source: ladywaterbear)
Hope all your Christmases are wonderful! :D
(Source: ilovecutethingsyay)
